i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
