Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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