last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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