eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
