so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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