I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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