Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
