it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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