ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
