I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
