Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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