flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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