Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
