What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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