I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
