I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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