I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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