She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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