note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
