Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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