Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
