i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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