something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
