dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
