Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
