Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
