Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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