When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
