Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The power of my boobs compel you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
