Non-Jews are for practice
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
