i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
