Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
