Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We need to rekindle our bromance
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
