She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
