We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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