I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
