then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
