The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
