I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
