no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
