Please, let me fuck your mom
she woke up with a sticky ear
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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