And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
