I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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