It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
