My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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