Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
