its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
