Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
