Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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