your parents love me but you hate me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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