best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
