You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
