hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
