I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
