tonight lets celebrate not being married
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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