I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
