when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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