why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
