We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
