I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
