I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
