After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize