There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
sick fucks of a feather flock together
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
