Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
