yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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