Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize