my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
